Intermittent musing of a breast cancer patient

ego boost

shlafe@aol.com — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 14:45:15 GMT

I'm having a really good Hair Day today.

Stick a fork in me...

shlafe@aol.com — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 12:31:48 GMT

I'M DONE!!!

Yesterday I had my last follow up to my last reconstruction surgery. MY LAST ONE. \O/!!!!

I'm on a six-month rotation with two of my doctors and a yearly rotation with the other two, but other than those, I have NO MORE TREATMENTS, APPOINTMENTS, EXAMS, SURGERIES, related to anything other than monitoring. SCORE!!!!

Final Scar Tally:
Two-inch scar on my left collarbone from the chemo port.
Scar surrounding the nipple of my left breast and one from the nipple straight down to the edge of my breast from the reduction. These are mostly faded.
Scar completely surrounding right breast in a non-perfect circular pattern.
Scar extending from left hip to right hip from the DIEP flap procedure.
Would it be accurate to report the belly button scar? Because, technically, it's a scar for everyone. I just have more than normal scar tissue.

chemo angels

shlafe@aol.com — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 01:38:56 GMT

I just signed up to be a card angel. Eventually I want to be a gift angel, but I figure I'll start small. :)

www.chemoangels.com
(not chemo bagels. :)

I got cards and gifts at least three times a week while undergoing chemo and radiation, so I thought it was about time to reciprocate.

Now with 100% fewer stitches!

shlafe@aol.com — Sat, 05 Apr 2008 03:12:30 GMT

Dr. R. took the rest of my stitches out Tuesday. Yay! Well, actually, the nurse did it. She saw them and said, "Wow, you've got skin growing over them!" which I didn't really want to hear. However, I don't have much feeling where the stitches were, so it didn't matter.

When Dr. R. came in to check me, he had with him - guess what - an intern! That's four! This one was another woman, and she didn't look vacant, so that's good. I have one more appointment with him for the surgery followup and then I'm on a yearly rotation. \O/!!!

After the stitches were removed, the nurse put steri-strips on me. They should fall off by themselves within a couple of weeks. Well, you know, I'm tired of adhesives. So I took them off yesterday. Don't tell.

I'm such a doofus

shlafe@aol.com — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 18:12:03 GMT

So, I woke up this morning with a dry throat. Okay, not bad on its own, annoying, but nothing drinking water won't cure. However, I also woke up blazingly hot.

Uh-oh. Fever. I better stay home from work.

I realized about 30 minutes ago that it was probably a hot flash.

*sigh*

Still stitched!

shlafe@aol.com — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 03:25:47 GMT

I had a follow up appointment Tuesday, and I was all excited about getting out my stitches. Only Dr. R. didn't take them out. *sigh* He wants them in for one more week. It's so freakin' irritating.

So, my newly constructed nipple was covered with medicinal-smelling bandages, and the scent would constantly be in my nose. These bandages were also stitched to me (I had a lot of stitching going on). These bandages, however, were taken off Tuesday. So now I have a nipple! I can't really describe it because it's now covered in a protective bandage, but at least that doesn't smell. I'm also very bruised.

But I'm done. No more surgeries. Score!!

adventures in adhesives

shlafe@aol.com — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 02:43:51 GMT

I had so much surgical tape on my body that my skin is now sticking to itself. I've been picking it off for DAYS.

Bit more of a followup

shlafe@aol.com — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 18:22:04 GMT

So, yesterday I had my first experience with a bed pan. Apparently, not eating or drinking but being pumped full of IV fluids creates a need to pee. Since I still had about half an hour before they could release me to the second recovery, I had to use a bed pan. I know nurses are used to it, but it was still gross. I almost had to use it again but I was in the second recovery this time, so I was allowed to get up.

The nurse kept asking if I had any pain, and I didn't. She seemed to think I did and didn't want to tell her. My hip sites feel like I scraped them, but they only sting a little, not hurt. I've learned a have a decent tolerance for pain.

The doc ordered a shot of demmerol, and the nurse wanted to do it in my hip. No way. I just had surgery there! So she put it in my arm instead. The injection site is still a bit sore, but I'm glad it was in my arm!

The put-me-to-sleep guy did my initial IV and I asked him to tell me when he was going to do the saline so I could hold my breath and avoid the taste. Instead, he made it a slow drip, and that worked better. I barely tasted anything at all.

Vision is still a bit blurry and I'm tired, but other wise doing A-okay! Especially since I can get up when I need to pee.

Home again!

shlafe@aol.com — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 13:15:27 GMT

Well, I was home yesterday, but too tired to say anything.

Surgery went well, which to me means I didn't vomit. :) Didn't even want to. I was ready to go home almost as soon as I woke up. I haven't looked at the surgery sites yet, as they are under multiple layers of bandages. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to shower.

I did tell the doctor to make sure he removed *all* the staples this time.

Milestones

shlafe@aol.com — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 15:39:55 GMT

Last week I brought every mastectomy bra and camisole, padding, hat, prosthetics and other breast cancer-related items to the Gift Closet at the American Cancer Society. Who-hoo!

I had a radiology follow up today, and she said that instead of coming every six months, I could drop it to every year. Who-hoo! I have three other doctors checking me out and she said I've healed so well that I don't need one more. She also made sure I knew that I could call her ANY TIME I had a question or wanted to come in and see her.

ONE MORE SURGERY. THEN I'M DONE.

Thank you!

shlafe@aol.com — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 02:57:32 GMT

Instead of having ten million comments of "thank you" for my last post, I'm lumping (hee.. get it? lump?) them all together and say

Thank you, everybody!

Two years...

shlafe@aol.com — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 13:29:22 GMT

Today's my survival anniversary.

my hair

shlafe@aol.com — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 04:36:39 GMT

I put my hair into a ponytail today.

ALL of it.

I haven't been able to do that for close to two years. Yay!

surgery rescheduled

shlafe@aol.com — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 02:39:29 GMT

I'm sick. Dave's sick. Sick leave dwindling for both of us. Surgery rescheduled to March 19.

Edit: On the plus side, now I don't have to worry about which drugs I can take.

The Saga of My Belly Button

shlafe@aol.com — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 15:13:50 GMT

Had my pre-op appointment today for my sugery on the 21st. From what I could listen to without getting sick, he cuts open my breast and cuts off a bit of leftover skin from the tummy tuck, then places the skin in the open wound from the breast and it heals all together. The scar tissue is pink and looks like a nipple. He'll also cut off the leftover skin on my other side to even me out a bit.

I asked him if he could try to fix my belly button one more time. He looked at it and said he'd like it to heal a bit more, but he could do it later.

Absolutely no way. I told him it was now or never. I'm not having surgery again to fix something as insignificant as my belly button. So he'll do it this time, but he'll talk to some of his "belly button friends" to see if they can recommend a different way of opening it up, since the way he did it failed to work twice.

So, belly button, skin flaps, and new nipple, all coming soon to a Gayle near you.

Damn hot flashes!!

shlafe@aol.com — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 03:45:25 GMT

Here's the cycle:

I take tamoxifen. Hot flashes are a side effect. They last for about a month, then go away or lessen.
I stop taking tamoxifen to have surgery.
I start taking tamoxifen again, experience the hot flashes again.
I stop to have surgery.
Start taking it again... and guess what? That's right... HOT FLASHES!
By the time these lessen again, I'll be having surgery. This better be the last time...

navel alert!

shlafe@aol.com — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 04:48:31 GMT

I'm giving up on my belly button this time around. I've been stuffing it with gauze every day since my surgery, and if I go to work or bed without the stuffing, it gets smaller. It's been TWO MONTHS. My skin is red and irritated from the tape to keep the gauze in place, even though I use the tape for sensitive skin.

I'm giving it one more chance. If my next surgery doesn't fix it, I'm going to turn into Kyle XY.

Wonder if Dr. R will still want pictures of me if I have no belly button. :)

shlafe@aol.com — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 04:07:48 GMT

Next surgery scheduled for Feb. 20.

curious...

shlafe@aol.com — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 13:48:44 GMT

How should I respond when someone asks if my hair is naturally curly? :)

beating a dead staple

shlafe@aol.com — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 02:30:48 GMT

I happened to be talking to a nurse last night and he said the whole staple thing is common. The staples are designed for medical use, as is the handy-dandy staple remover.

Yeah, still wish I didn't know.

D'oh!

shlafe@aol.com — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 16:50:48 GMT

Had a follow up today and meant to ask Dr. R. WHY he does the staple thing. I forgot. *sigh*

Anyway, wounds are healing nicely. He wants me to continue stuffing my belly button with gauze, but only because he's afraid it will close up. Nothing indicates that it willl; he just wants to be careful. There's nothing open anymore, so I don't know how it could close. I'll keep stuffing it until the tape starts to annoy me again.

Breast is also doing well. It's still swollen, but it doesn't hurt. I had some lumpy bits near my armpit but he said it was fat cells that clustered together. They were under a bruise (from the surgery) and so close to the surgical site that I wasn't too concerned about them.

He cut off some of the suture line, and I shielded my eyes from it. The nurse took pity on me and patted my back as he was doing it. I found this SO funny, because I was only closing my eyes because of that whole don't-approach-me-with-sharp-objects thing, not because I was in pain or grossed out or anything. Plus, the constant circling motion on my back annoyed the CRAP out of me. I don't mind a hand on my back or shoulder or whatever. I mind the movement. I had a nurse doing this to me in post-op and it made me want to vomit even more. But the nurse today was filling in for someone that day and chances are I won't see her again, so I let it go and decided to be humored by it instead.

I'm back to being able to lift, so I get to hold kiddies again. Yay!
...I should call after the first of the year and schedule my next surgery. And then I'm DONE.

follow up

shlafe@aol.com — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 16:54:47 GMT

Had my follow up today. Breast is healing nicely. Belly button is... well... healing. :) It definitely looks better than it did before the surgery.

So, the staple. I had assumed that some of my insides were stapled and my body rejected that one and sent it on its way, out my left side and away from any work I had done. Not so. Apparently in the operating room, I get covered with sterile sheets that are then STAPLED to me. !!! They missed a staple when they were done. Strange that I hadn't even noticed it before Tuesday.

Follow up to my follow up in two weeks.

mystic stapler

shlafe@aol.com — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 03:46:53 GMT

I pulled out the staple.

I am the Bride of Frankenstien!

shlafe@aol.com — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 04:24:36 GMT

I have a staple coming out of my left side above my hip. Surgery Thursday was on my right side and belly button. Weird. I'll be calling Dr. R. in the morning. I wouldn't have even noticed it except Dave brushed it this evening.

It doesn't hurt but the surrounding skin is red. Shocker. At worst, I have an appointment with Dr. R. on Thursday.

post-surgery update

shlafe@aol.com — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 04:42:17 GMT

I've been about 48 hours without pain medication, so yay! My belly button is a little tender and I twinge a bit in other places, but it's all good.

However, I keep thinking about the saline taste in my mouth, as much as I'm trying not to. Apparently there are a few folks in this world (and my mom told me she's one of them, too) that get a funky taste in their mouths when injected with saline. It's really gross. And even *thinking* about the taste makes me feel sick. So I've been a little nauseated today.

In addition, swallowing those antibiotics hasn't been that bad. They are smaller than I remember. Small is good. However, if I burp afterwards, my mouth tastes like I chomped down some grass. Eating something after swallowing them helps. But before I discovered that, I was fighting grass and the saline memory. Not a fun time.

Had a nap Friday. Had a nap Saturay. Had a nap today. I suspect a nap will be in my future tomorrow.